I have used digg on and off for the last few years. During this tine, digg has in some way contributed to the traffic on asifism.com too, but my latest attempts to use it have been anything but successful.

As you may already know, digg has redone the UI and changed the way some things work, but the basic principle is the same (sharing content for those of you who are wondering). Now, first of all, going live with an extremely buggy interface on a website that’s dealing with 25 million unique visitors a month is just not wise, so I can’t for the life of me figure out why they would do that.

Then, digg has fallen victim to the same fallacy that so many other web applications do: the excessive use of AJAX. Seriously, I do not want twitter type error messages that come down from the top of the screen. I was, and I am sure others were too, perfectly okay with the application digging through a submission and always working, as opposed to saying it can’t get content from the URL.

Let’s put it this way: I’ve tried to submit 20 articles to digg over the last couple of days and on only one occasion was I able to post something. Why do people insist on using AJAX where it is not required?

People at Digg, the whole point is to improve the user experience, not to destroy it.

Those of you who are big social media fanatics and live in the world of one man entrepreneurs are probably well versed with social media and all the nonsensical talk that goes along with it. Until now, I had been quite patient, putting up with all the crap that we all get fed by social media experts who serious overrate their own value.

As business has taken off over the years and I’m no more flying solo, I’ve taken the time of to personally indulge in some of the ’so called’ marketing and contact enhancing techniques that so many businesses swear by. Now I started my business in London online - I got my first client because of social media and the millions of online marketing tools out there, and for years I have been hearing these online marketing, SEO and Social Media Consultants talk shit. Frankly, now I’m a little bored of it.

A couple of weeks ago I attended a networking event in Central London. As with many networking events across this wonderfully pathetic city (see this article for more details), you’re expected to give your 40 or 60 second pitch summarizing your business and then you’re supposed to listen to 20 more people and pretend to really care. Then we had this social media and online ‘guru’ tell us about how you can and must use online marketing to enhance your presence and gain market share. He, like the many others, talked about how he had made a living doing this and why all the others should do it. Like the billions of such experts available today, he charges you a set fee to manage your social media presence initially and TRAIN you on how to do it - then you’re on your own. At this point, I didn’t say anything. I’m not one to bash technology, but I will take a shot at any salesman 7 days a week.

A few days later,  on one of the business forums in London, another such online specialist had posted a message asking what complaint business owners primarily had with online media - why they struggled to manage their social media presence and campaigns. That’s a ridiculously pathetic question, and every person who sets up a business doing this get rich quick stuff needs to be shot dead. They’re a bunch of lying morons and should not be given a dime.

Now let me tell you why you should not talk to these experts. First rule of thumb is those who can’t do, teach. So if someone is willing to teach you for £1,000 how twitter and facebook work and how you should go by getting followers and fans, tell them to fuck themselves. You don’t need 1000 twitter followers to run a business, and if it was this effective having 5,000 facebook fans, this person would actually be doing real business with all these fans and followers rather than preaching how to gain a following. The same applies to general sales and marketing consultants too. Here’s how you get a good expert or consultant - ask him to generate a sale for you and take a big percentage. If he’s that good, he’ll accept. If he wants to take money to teach you so you can continue to get rich on your own, he’s an asshole, not an educator.

So, back to social media. Let me tell you a little secret about this industry - besides all the lying scammers that promote it, trying to market in social media is like a drop in the ocean. If you’re going to do this, you have to make it count. If you’re a small business with real work to do, don’t bother much with it. If you’ve got time, sure, but if you don’t leave it be.

I’ve recently setup a personal twitter account on http://twitter.com/cynicalhoot. Our corporate accounts only have under 100 followers each, and although we’ve got very little business from them, they’re there because as a business you’re judged by all this rubbish - because of all the scamming morons and the low IQ individuals who generally tend to fall for their scams. Think about it, twitter experts say you’ve got to make your posts count, you’ve got care about the people who follow you. Frankly, I don’t think most of these people have more than 3 friends in life they really care about, and if you delude yourself by thinking that 1,000 people actually care about what you say and they’re gullible enough to believe you actually care about them by following them on twitter, well, stop reading and go on wasting your life. Just because you have 1000 followers does not mean they all read what you tweet; they certainly don’t give a toss. It’s just a good way to get your ego boosted. A major part of the twitter following is you scratch my back and I will scratch yours. Follow me and I’ll follow you. Then you’ve got these morons who will literally spam twitter with posts. Well, guess what, those of us who have work to do don’t really want to read your shit. So fuck off and don’t tell me what your plans are for tonight!

Now, for all those twitter success stories. Out of the hundreds of millions of people who use twitter, there have only been a few successes. The truth is, it is really not worth the effort for most small businesses. Yes, it’s a channel you must  keep open as it’s just another source that could get you business, but you’ll be much better off trying to understand a target market and go after them. If you tweet prospects, how seriously do you think they’ll actually treat you? If you disagree, good for you. Just don’t preach the social media religion to me, and don’t make it out to be what it’s not in public, or I’ll call you out.

I’ll leave LinkedIn out of this discussion. It’s actually an OK tool and as long as it doesn’t turn into an eAcademy, I’ll feel safe using it. Facebook is OK for business. Again, it’s not something you should spend your life on UNLESS you sell consumer products. If you sell B2B products, social media is just another way of getting some brand recognition, like getting your logo printed on t shirts or coffee cups. The chances of that converting to cash in the near future are slim - very slim.

So, if you really want to use social media networks to get business, research your market, find the people who need what you sell, define your unique selling points and know WHY they should buy from you, and then initiate contact with them. People always buy from people because they get something worth getting. Nobody who knows anything about twitter or facebook will buy from you just because you have thousands of fans and followers. Almost everyone who’s willing to kiss ass can accumulate followers - that doesn’t mean they’re good at running their business or doing good work. Just like talk, social media is free, so there’s way too much noise in this industry.

Ignore it and confront the liars.

Hi folks,

As things are changing and business is evolving, I less and less time to keep updating quickplay keys. In addition, with ban increasing number of people feeding me enquiries with US deportation and immigration issues (God Bless America, no?), time is becoming of the essence. As you can also see, the about section needs some updating and I haven’t even gotten around to that. But all of this is about to change.

I have started, with the humbling assistance of some of my coworkers, to create a new design for the blog and as we launch that in the next few days, the following changes will follow:

1. Hp Quickplay downloads will be opened up. This means no keys will be required to download the software. We’ve got the bandwidth now and I will be happy to share it with all the readers and visitors of Asifism.com.

2. Posts will focus more on relevant topics: the greatness of the world, our highly competent peers, collegaues and earth dwellers and the cynical and hootful affairs of my mind.

3. Some business and political topics.

4. The occassional company bashing, also knownb as a product or service review.

5. Ultimately, Asifism.com is about the mind of Asif, so brace yourselves.

Please be a little patient: the quickplay changes will go into effect in the next few days.

It’s been a while since I have put a pen or keyboard to another rant about Britain. For the most part, I have been coasting along, observing.  It has also been a while since I wrote articles like Why Dubai will never become New York and Why Dubai may become London, primarily because the truth usually goes unheard. I’m a bit of a fan of the Atlas Shrugged philosophy, whereby you don’t really expect anything of character from the people you live around and all of a sudden life is fantastic.

Now I’m not a great fan of this terrorist talk rubbish, especially all the crap about the Lockerbie bomber and why Gordon Brown and the Scottish Pariliament let him go.  Some minor statements and a bit of uproar from some Americans about boycotting Scottish goods and someone went on to say perhaps Amercians should disown the achievements of Andrew Carnegie. Now, if you don’t know who Andrew Carnegie is, he was probably the second richest man who ever lived. His wealth on the brink of the 20th century when he sold out to JP Morgan thanks to Charles Schwab would have been worth an estimated US $298 billion. He sure showed Warren Buffet and Bill Gates.  For the English and Scottish lads who think america should disown Carnegie because he originated from Scotland, that’s a stupid argument.  I hate to say this, but mainstream Brits are probably just as ignorant, if not more, than the mainstream Americans they call dumb and stupid. Carnegie went to Amrica to make his riches: if he loved Scotland and thought it was so uber fabulous, he would  have made his billions there.  Alas, men love the nations that pay them back for their hard work; so America was responsible for Andrew Carnegie’s success, not Scotland. That’s right, I said it!

Gordon Brown. I have actually tried to support the man for a while. Initially, I think he was just a victim of coming to power under bad circumstances, but he was so blinded by the job title and power that came with it that he was totally blind to how Tony Blair had caught him from behind with his pants down. But then who would forego the opportunity to become the Prime Minister.  He’s had some major screwups and they’re all pretty British in nature, which means they stem from the cowardly attitude of not taking decisions and just hinting on this and hinting on that. It is what leaders of corrupt third world countries do and I’m sorry to say that Brown is, well, let us be politically incorrect, behaving like his brown counterparts from former British colonies.

I don’t get it, why in the world would you ‘hint’ that you don’t want a bomber to die of cancer in Scotland? Why would you hint at a $15 billion oil deal with Libya? Why don’t you just say it! After all, do these johnnies think anyone doubts the fact that the greed of politicians know no bounds? This was his perfect chance to come clean and say that in this era when we are in economic troubles and after Tony Blair George Bush screwed us over on the oil deal, it is our only chance to go out and get our own oil deal without the Americans bullying us. Hey, I would have supported that stance, because at least the country gets something out of it.

But here is the bigger issue: this is not a Gordon Brown problem. It is the problem of every Brit that I have known and seen at work, in larger enterprise or in government: evade decision making. It is the reason why the British Empire went from being the largest in the world to a puny little Island ruled by a bunch of communist hearted politicians who have the guts and balls the size of mini marbles. Take a decision, for God’s sake.  Instead of bettering themselves, the British government and its hoarde of organisation has made its own rules to conduct activity and make decisions in politics and in business.

Have you ever worked with British businessmen?  They play it safe. Have you worked with government entities in Britain?  They don’t play at all, just waste.  Here is a prime example of the application of British rules, promoted under the claim to democracy by the disgrace that are government departments like the Office of Government Commerce.  The Ministry of Defence thought that they and the OGC had with PRINCE2 and their super pathetic qualifications some methods to develop software that they would buy the planes from Boeing and develop the software to run them in-house.  Low and behold, $200 million later, OGC and PRINCE2 failed them whereas initially they could have spent $35 million to get it.  But no one was axed, why? Because we followed PRINCE2 and it’s not our fault that it failed. Maybe the OGC should be wiped out, then?

You see the similarity with the Gordon Brown attitude? It’s not my fault, it was in the interest of the country. Then say it up front, you moron.

Private enterprise in Birtain suffers from the same attitude. Waste money to play it safe and then don’t have to take blame for anything wasted because we played it safe. When will the British public get up and say something to this incompetent, money wasting, bureaucratic waste of an existence. This is a country with great opportunity, bogged down by 60 year old bureaucrats who have put the lives of its 60 million inhabitants at risk just to save their own heads. Why? Because they know in an accountable, risk taking world outside Britain and its third world colonies, risk and accountability are the factors that build personalities, leaders, businesses and nations. Cowardice, the British way of hiding behind red tape, will be the death of Britain. It is what killed the British Empire.

For those of you who feel violated by the things said here, well, who gives a shit? You clearly don’t. Fix it and come leave comments, or just bugger off!

Here are the new download keys for hp QuickPlay.

Use the instructions provided on http://www.asifism.com/installing-hp-quickplay-on-your-laptopnotebook-vista-xp/ for installing QuickPlay Direct before posting questions and queries already answered. Please also visit the above link to see HOW TO get the latest QuickPlay Download keys if the keys on this post do not work.

To download QuickPlay, visit http://downloads.asifism.com and use one of the following appropriate keys provided below. Also, DO USE the download of Winrar provided to extract the zipped version of QuickPlay Direct (HPQPDP.rar), otherwise you may get errors while trying to extract it. Please note that keys are renewed every 10 days so if they are expired, be patient.

hp QuickPlay Direct 2.3 for Windows Vista & XP: 4224b1a8029ede32fa4dbbc6e7d87580

To validate your download, please use the MD5 hashes on http://www.asifism.com/hp-quickplay-windows-vista/hp-quickplay-download-md5-hashes/

hp QuickPlay Direct 1.0 (runs on a linux partition)[NRG file, use Daemon Tools to mount]: 32677d465917efe887c5514f9d1c654b

hp QuickPlay for Windows Vista & XP: 8d4c976698cee427c5a340672a03b417

hp QuickPlay TV Play: f802142e29160f4c64662c70bcb24283

Winrar 3.6.2 (please use to extract hpqpdp.rar): fad8826b69a28439c6c1941a4f6b4d37

For those people who get the QuickPlay Enabled or QuickPlay authorized machine only error while installing, please try the following:

Using Notepad, make a file and save as .reg with the following:-

Windows Registry Editor Version 5.00

[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\QPFlag]
“QPFlag”=dword:00000003
“@=”=””

Then add to the registry by double clicking this file afte you’ved saved it install QuickPlay.

If extraction for QuickPlay Direct fails claiming one of the files is corrupt, always try the file before and after the number that winrar tells you is corrupt. Both the data4.cab and data3.cab files are huge and span over different compressed pieces, winrar isn’t always accurate.

Any questions? Comment them.

Here is something that your SEO consultant or marketing firm will never want you to know: there are 2 parts to SEO. And here’s the second part of what your marketing or SEO consultant will really not want you to know at all: most SEO consultants and marketing firms do, respectively, one half each. This is a topic I’ve been meaning to write about for a while, but since I don’t spend a whole lot of time doing SEO for any of my own websites or businesses, well, I haven’t really had the motivation to pen (or in this case, screen) the issue. Now that I’m done sorting out some of the basics that I consider more important than issues like SEO and PPC marketing for a business, I’m coming back into this rather messy affair.

I can name many of my clients who consistently spend hundreds, if not thousands of pounds and dollars every month in trying to get their SEO to work. Let’s get one thing out of the way before we have the marketing folks butt-in: SEO is not the same as PPC, so let us not confuse the two. PPC optimization, although similar in some regards to SEO, is a different line of work. There are no, per se, two parts to it on a macro level, although I think you can break up PPC into two different parts if you want to get a view from the inside out.

So, what really are the two parts of any SEO campaign? Well, let’s see…

The Technological Part

If you have a marketing firm that claims they’ve got SEO down, this is the part they are most likely not doing. I personally know firms who are spending 5 figures of Great British Pounds Sterling every month in an attempt to get their SEO up and running in addition to a GBP 20k+ Pay per Click bill, but SEO is just not working. The content may very well be right because that’s probably what their SEO provider is OKAY at (not brilliant, just OKAY), but the reason that Google or Yahoo don’t give them any importance is simply because their pristine, apparently clear and clean-cut looking design isn’t so clean when you look at the source code. It’s rampant with violations of W3C XHTML and CSS standards, javascript errors, lack or misuse of meta tags, and many more to name a few. What’s worst is that these chaps still haven’t figured out what they’re getting wrong, and it’s not all their fault.

To develop their mammoth online project, they hired a technology consulting giant like Sapient, but got a possibly unqualified employee to manage the relationship. So, in essence, the code produced is not particularly garbage, but it is something most decent developers wouldn’t feel heartache about trashing. Second, the XHTML and CSS interface was developed by an idependent party which, it seems, specializes in developing interfaces that work toward the stern purpose of being non-standard compliant. The SEO company has no clue why their magic doesn’t work and the reason why that’s happening is because they don’t fully understand the business or recognize or realize the techological or technical faults that are holding the company back.

It’s the same old issue: marketing firms become web development and web 2.0 software consulting firms, create garbage product, but sell it hard by throwing money on PPC and Out of Home Advertising (OOH) and all their client seem to think they’re doing  a great job, without actually realizing that they could save a huge amount of money spent on PPC every month by simply streamlining some of the technology issues involved in SEO.

I’m not going to go into what it is that you need to do to get the technology right; at least not in this article. What I do want to do is illustrate the benefit of having the technology issue resolved. Let’s be clear on one thing: with the right age and domain length and correct coding, etc. (i.e., fullfilling the techincal requirements of SEO), you’ll certainly land yourself a higher Google PageRank than a website that foscuses solely on cosmetic appearance and writing fancy content but misses the boat on writing Google friendly code. If your competitor has done this part right and you’re relying on your good old marketing man to provide you with SEO services, when somebody does search for your keywords you will end up getting the small corner to the right that google has reserved for AdWords, where as your competitor, even if he doesn’t have the right kind of content on his website (which is valid to  a search term), is getting a good 80% of the screen. Who do you reckon your potential customer will click on, someone Google thinks is providing valid content or someone Google says is paying money to ‘appear’ to provide valid content. Maybe not all clients work like that: I sure do.

The Marketing Part

Okay, this is the part where you need to not listen to your SEO consultant, who knows the technical aspects of what Google, Yahoo and MSN like to see, but has no clue about how to sell. Remember, most technical people suck at selling. They like to brief and give information, not make the effort to pretend like they care about your business and sell you their skills. Hence, that’s what you need to use them for.

I can’t stess the importance of getting this part right. As much I bash marketing firms for getting the technology part of SEO wrong, ultimately, selling lies at the heart of every business. No sale means no business, so get this right!

Here is an example of how companies get this wrong: Fix all your tags and content on each page, so that when google does list you organically, people at least land on the correct page. Not landing on the correct page means you’ll never make a conversion from visitor to customer. The first part giving yourself the ability to appear in the 80% portion of the screen of a Search Engine by getting the technical portion right. The second, is to strengthen the credbility of the visitor who trusts the judgment of the search engine to list you in their organic listings by giving the visitor what he or she is really searching for.

Once there, the content needs to be right. Don’t hire a car salesman for this unless you are selling cars. You need a short, sofisticated form of copywriting, not those long sales letters that eBook copiers and MLM scammers have used and misused and abused over the last decade.

Here is the most important thing you need to take away from this article. Don’t believe everyone you see on Google or Yahoo’s first page. Most often than not people will show up and stay there until the next crawl when the search engine realizes that a certain website has cheated. So, look for decent history when picking a provider. Also keep in mind that not all businesses that do SEO spend resources on SEO: they don’t need to. They get their business from other resources like management consulting. In fact, that’s how some of the largest contracts are signed, by consultants know nothing except for how to close a deal.

Lastly, there are very few companies out there who can do SEO and PPC right at the same time and score both on the marketing and technological front. It’s the same reason why marketing guys are horrible at using technology AND the same reason why your IT guys can’t sell for shit. Get your technical SEO person to liaise with your marketing team. That’s how you can results out of your Search Engine Optimization efforts.

Lastly, always remember this simple piece of advice: you get what you pay for and here is why: opinions are free, consultations are NOT. Which one are you looking for?

That’s right, I just called DMOZ, the Open Directory Project (ODP), a demon.

There was a time when I had great respect for projects like the ODP and how effectively they actually were, and although I have recently seen articles from some ODP editors / moderators defending what they do on ODP, well, I think that the DMOZ Directory is fast loosing its charm.

Yes, as per the basics of SEO, backlinks are great and very helpful.  Backlinks from sites that have a high PageRank are very valuable, and better yet, in Google’s books, sites that are built with the open source or volunteer framework in mind are even better. However, there is no way that I will believe the argument that, quite frankly, a vast majority of DMOZ editors are, well, infact, rogue.

Despite how seriously some of them take their work to be, I can’t help but think that there are others who simply fob off every request they simply because they can. George Carlin would have called these chaps the likes of George Bush: monkey faced pea brained folk who project their insecurities on other users of the internet.

In all fairness, I haven’t submitted a lot of websites to DMOZ in the past 12 months, but those that I have haven’t gone through. Agreed, maybe I was sloppy with some of my submissions, but I can tell you that some of them weren’t quite as sloppy and were in full compliance with the ODP guidelines. Better yet, I don’t know how the ODP goes by qualifying people who apparently have the right to determine whether or not your website is in violation of copyrights? They’re probably not and take the play it safe approach.

Of course, ODP has other issues: some websites have 30+ listings with some very irrelevant descriptions. As with all volunteer organizations, though, the quality of work and the product diminishes, which is what we are seeing with the ODP. They don’t pay attention to standards compliance or any other criteria, just what they think may or may not comply with their guidelines, most which many of their editors probably don’t understand. I guess that’s the kind of work you get from free volunteers.

But low and behold, this is not all bad news.  Back in the day, ODP was vital to get a listing on; it is not anymore. You can try, but I wouldn’t pull my hair out worrying about why some ODP editor cannot read english and figure out the relevance of a particular website to a certain category.

There are hundreds of other directories on the web: granted they are not as effective as DMOZ (and the ones that are charge money), but then you can get links from other high ranked websites too.

Yes, the internet is not fair, and probably neither is Google’s support of DMOZ. But then you’ve got to live with what’s out there, right?

Oh and this site is not listed on DMOZ. I’m not even sure what category to put it in. Anyone have any ideas?

I have long been a critic of British Education. Of course, long is a relative term and here long refers to the last 15 months. My basic education is British.  My University education is American. My professional experience is split between the United States, Dubai and the United Kingdom.

I’ve said it from day 1: American education is by far the best. Why? Because the US education system does not focus on students learning concepts or memorizing answers to questions. It is a system that does not focus on and is not centred around academic knowledge alone. American education gives you the tools you need to succeed in life, in business, and on the job. In this context, I am referring to American education at the University Level, better known as the Undergradute and Graduate programs at universities across the United States.

British University education, well, clearly sucks. With Metro highlighting the launch of a Masters Degree in Facebook today, London has reached a new high in the quality of pathetic intellect and wasteful education; education that represents nothing but a mere high-class insult to the likes of Charles Dickens, William Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde and others from the Golden Age of British education. That said, I understand why the general level of British University education is so low.

The entire system is politicized and is a victim of bureaucracy. Having a University degree means absolutely nothing when you go and look for a job; academic fraud and cheating is at an all time high, and professors boast about their out-dated, memory ridden testing styles that are supposed to prep their students for the 21st century. Specifically speaking, when it comes to business education, more specifically, accounting education, British degrees are about as useful as a second rate high school diploma from China.

How do I know, you ask? Well, I must say with some sadness, I’m an accountant. I’m an accountant educated and experienced in the US, who now has the pleasure of coming to the UK and having to go through the bureaucratic system of so-called professional education, which is, from a learning standpoint, garbage. British degrees in accounting are useless because whether you have one or not, you can sit through a 3 year course with ACCA, CIMA or ICAEW and become a so-called qualified accountant. So then, why would you want a British degree? If qualified and educated means having a certificate, why is a degree needed?  Precisely! That is the stance that Universities in the United Kingdom have also taken. They have totally eliminated the need to learn and enhance one’s skillset from the curriculum; have turned a blind eye to the widespread academic fraud and are simply there to collect money from students.

Enter professional education bodies. Then you have the likes of CIMA, ACCA and ICAEW, who have stooped to the level of every other governmental institution. Britain is a currently that is hard-coded with the problems that make the third world nations of the world today, well, third world.  Bureaucracy is at the heart of such disasters, Britain is fast headed that way. With institutes and certificates for everything, from trash management to facilities management to the auctioneers association to the certified breathing association, the English have developed a certification for virtually everything. The result of such widespread certification is that anyone who pays a fee and memorizes a bog-standard exam can go ahead and get one of these, which makes him/her qualified for a job. However, what most of these certificate holders or degree holders know is of little relevance to their jobs.  That’s if they know much at all.

A little off topic, but Britain apparently came up with a workplace homicide act in 2007. Is it just me, or does parliament have too much time developing crap laws that accomplish absolutely nothing.  Take today’s news: Jacqui Smith’s husband charged 10 quid worth of pornography to the government and half the nation lost it. What are these people, silly? You are worried about 10 pounds when Members of Parliament in England have come up with a second house allowance and other ridiculous benefits that allow them to claim hundreds of thousands of pounds legally every year? Again, is it just me, or is the education of British universities and institutions like CIMA clearly reflective in the populations reaction such news?

So, let’s get to CIMA. Why am I picking on CIMA? Management Accounting has always been a subject of great interest for me. Ever since I took my first accounting course in 1998 (that’s right!), I knew I wouldn’t be going into public accounting. I, therefore, very clearly understand the mission, purpose, goals, aims, objectives and benefits of management accounting. Accountants, in general, are supposed to be trustworthy: that’s why they can notarize, attest documents, etc. Generally, people are supposed to trust accountants. Of course, the likes of Arthur Anderson and KPMG have made headway in damaging the reputation of accountants; probably rightly so.

You see, accounting bodies should never stoop to the level of crappy standard that universities have. However, like every other bureaucratic branch in industry and government, everyone wants to make their own mafia and claim that they have it right, when they have nothing, except for a bunch of illiterate, pathetic, politically connected lobbyists. I’m sorry, did I say CIMA? That goes for all of them: CIMA, ACCA and ICAEW.

Now, since I am settled in the good old United Kingdom, I figured I might as well take a shot at one of these Certifications since according to everyone else who is a ‘qualified’ accountant in the UK, degree education is useless. Not that I really care about what others think, but in the UK bring qualified or certified is necessary, because the level of truth telling is so low that people will generally not believe much of what you tell them on your CV, but they will all buy into the lie of what these ‘professional’ institutions tell them. In essence, it’s an idiot proof system designed by insecure accountants who know they are idiots, and is pushed by a further qualified brand of idiiots.  See how it works? Dumb patting dumber on the back and issuing dumber with a certification that makes dumber dumb.

Well, I’ve been reading up on some CIMA course materials and some of the content published by CIMA and their partners is, well, plain wrong. CIMA, for instance, claims that they offer education that no university offers, thereby offering enhanced professional education which makes it equal to an MBA. I’m sorry, but who the fuck is CIMA kidding? CIMA education is not extravagant, and if you have a degree from any half decent US University, there is nothing new for you to learn here, except for maybe a couple of concepts at the Strategic Level, none of which will be relevant to you in your job.

CIMA examiners and instructors ALSO claim that when grading papers, they are looking for students to use ‘keywords’ in their answers, rather than explain or justify the argument they are making or decision they are supporting. That equates to memorizing and is, well, what you’re supposed to require in 6th and 7th grade, not at a professional level. Not only that, CIMA openly claims that management accountants are not supposed to be systems experts, but must have apt knowledge of systems to understand the ramifications of and be involved in decisions made in companies regarding information systems. Well, if you’re not experts, the wise thing to do is to stay the fuck out of it. Not only does CIMA promote this unhealthy atmosphere in business, but partner Systems Institutes which are also victims of bureaucracy promote their specialty, and neither really give you any practical education, stirring a recipe for disaster. It’s this kind of education that causes the Ministry of Defence to wrongly pay several hundred thousand soldiers. Bad accountants who claim to know it all because they’re certified, and bad systems experts who claim to understand it all because an IS is apparently the be all and end all. It is this kind education that has, over the years, ensured that the UK will never become the leading economy, in terms customer service, innovation or process efficiency.

I don’t have a beef with CIMA, per se. CIMA is an average accounting certification that will not teach the seasoned, experienced graduate (from a decent country and a decent university) anything new. What you need to pass CIMA is to learn how to tackle their exams.  What you need to understand while preparing and practicing for CIMA exams is that many CIMA examiners are not CIMA qualified themselves, which makes for even more of a make belief ‘good’ education and curriculum.

My only problem with CIMA lies in some of the ridiculously incorrect content that is part of their course. CIMA examines some aspects of information systems design that are plain wrong. Not only that, they go on to test some of these CIMA-developed concepts and terminologies, and instructors and examiners who have absolutely no clue about what they are talking about get to grade you on this stuff. As proof, I have a book that is supposed to contain questions and answers from past CIMA exams, and some of the answers have a long explanation of what the examiner is looking for. The answer ends with the phrase ‘powerful software solution’ followed by the examiners comments in parenthesis ‘whatever that means!’  That, ladies and gentlemen, is the quality of education being offered to you by a professional institute that claims to offer some of the most sophisticated business education in the country today.

It is no wonder then, that banks are collapsing and businesses are functioning on non-existent cash. Here’s a hot tip: go nail your educational institutions and education providers, who’ve been teaching wrong information with outdated syllabi that do not give the typical British graduate or certificate holder any ambition or tools to build a career with. What you are stuck with is: get your degree, get your certificate, grow old and get a pay increase with age. That is the path to staying twenty years behind the rest of the world in everything. That is path to killing creativity and promoting uncooth bureaucracy.

Oh wait, I almost forgot. Welcome to Britain. And I don’t hate it; it’s great! It’s just that many of the people are not with it, and that’s highly representative of the population of the planet. It is for the same reason that Americans elected and re-elected George Bush that the British keep following into the footsteps of such brain-dead, mind-numbing bureaucracy with every passing year. I have 100 pounds waiting for someone who can correctly tell me what that reason is.

Go on, have at it.  What have you got to lose?

Every now and then I visit my early days of the internet.  It’s now come to 12+ years since I designed my very first web page, with domain redirection from what was then cjb.net and free hosting from the likes of geocities.com.  Fast forward 4-5 years and we were having a new era and wave of web design.  Macromedia had revolutionized the the world of web design with Flash and companies and individuals around the globe were producing rich, interactive websites that stunned the world.  Here, I will pay tribute to three such flash designs/videos which were done years ago, videos of the quality and level of professionalism, which, I think changed the web as we see it today.

The first is the intro to the Balthaser Studios website.  This was a full flash designed website that truly stunned.  Balthaser studios has now created the world’s first browser based flash enabled designed too, Balthaser: FX Pro; an equivalent of SwishMax, which makes rich flash designing easier.  Personally, I’m a fan of the simple CSS and XHTML design with powerful content management,  but that’s the industry I’m a part of.  However, flashy design has by no means gone out of fashion, and depending on what industry you’re in, flash could still be your mainstream web design tool.  Here then, is the much respected balthaser studios video:

Second in my list of favorite videos is the intro from Mike Cesar for his own website. What can I say, the man has talent.  He is quite simply one of the most graceful and talented flash designers I have come across in over a decade.  Have a look and see for yourself the wonder that he produced over 4-5 years ago:

Last on my list today is a fight scene that includes some matrix type effects  by someone from China (I’m guessing by the name).  This is a great example of the results you can achieve in flash with many, many bits of patience.  Just imagine the frame by frame rendering required to put this entire sequence together.  Bare in mind that this was done years ago. It reflects the sheer power of what we can do on the web thanks to Flash.

If you’ve got other amazing flash videos to share, I’d love to see them.  Like I said, flash is not particularly my piece of pie, but I’m always there to appreciate good work.

I am a Jew. I was a participant in the Rally for the Right of Return to Palestine. It was the right thing to do. I’ve heard about the European holocaust against the Jews since I was a small child. I’ve visited the memorials in Washington, DC and Jerusalem dedicated to Jewish lives lost and I’ve cried at the recognition to what level of atrocity mankind is capable of sinking.

Where are the Jews of conscience? No righteous malice can be held against the survivors of Hitler’s holocaust. These fragments of humanity were in no position to make choices beyond that of personal survival. We must not forget that being a survivor or a co-religionist of the victims of the European Holocaust does not grant dispensation from abiding by the rules of humanity.

“Never again” as a motto, rings hollow when it means “never again to us alone.” My generation was raised being led to believe that the biblical land  was a vast desert inhabited by a handful of impoverished Palestinians living with their camels and eking out a living in the sand. The arrival of the Jews was touted as a tremendous benefit to these desert dwellers. Golda Meir even assured us that there “is no Palestinian problem”.

We know now this picture wasn’t as it was painted. Palestine was a land filled with people who called it home. There were thriving towns and villages, schools and hospitals. There were Jews, Christians and Muslims. In fact, prior to the occupation, Jews represented a mere seven per cent of the population and owned three per cent of the land.

Taking the blinders off for a moment, I see a second atrocity perpetuated by the very people who should be exquisitely sensitive to the suffering of others. These people knew what it felt like to be ordered out of your home at gun point and forced to march into the night to unknown destinations or first hand what it means to watch your home in flames, to surrender everything dear to your heart at a moment’s notice. Bulldozers levelled hundreds of villages, along with the remains of the village inhabitants, the old and the young. This was nothing new to the world.

Poland is a vast graveyard of the Jews of Europe. Israel is the final resting place of the massacred Palestinian people. A short distance from the
memorial to the Jewish children lost to the holocaust in Europe there is a levelled park ing lot. Under this parking lot is what’s left of a once
flourishing village and the bodies of men, women and children whose only crime was taking up needed space and not leaving graciously. This particular
burial marker reads: “Public Parking”.

I’ve talked with Palestinians. I have yet to meet a Palestinian who hasn’t lost a member of their family to the Israeli Shoah, nor a Palestinian who cannot name a relative or friend languishing under inhumane conditions in an Israeli prison. Time and time again, Israel is cited for human rights violations to no avail. On a recent trip to Israel, I visited the refugee camps inhabited by a people who have waited 52 years in these ‘temporary’ camps to go home. Every Palestinian grandparent can tell you the name of their village, their street, and where the olive trees were planted. Their grandchildren may never have been home, but they can tell you where their great-grandfather lies buried and where the village well stood. The press has fostered the portrait of the Palestinian terrorist. But the victims who rose up against human indignity in the Warsaw Ghetto are called heroes. Those who lost their lives are called martyrs. The Palestinian who tosses a rock in desperation is a terrorist.

Two years ago I drove through Palestine and watched intricate sprinkler systems watering lush green lawns of Zionist settlers in their new condomin ium complexes, surrounded by armed guards and barbed wire in the midst of a Palestinian community where there was not adequate water to drink and the surrounding fields were sandy and dry. University professor Moshe Zimmerman reported in the Jerusalem Post (30 April, 1995), “The [Jewish] children of Hebron are just like Hitler’s youth.”

We Jews are suing for restitution, lost wages, compensation for homes, land, slave labour and back wages in Europe. Am I a traitor of a Jew for supporting the right of return of the Palestinian refugees to their birthplace and compensation for what was taken that cannot be returned?

The Jewish dead cannot be brought back to life and neither can the Palestinian massacred be resurrected. David Ben Gurion said, “Let us not ignore the truth among ourselves…politically, we are the aggressors and they defend themselves…The country is theirs, because they inhabit it, whereas we want to come here and settle down, and in their view we want to take away from them their country…”.

Palestine is a land that has been occupied and emptied of its people. Its cultural and physical landmarks have been obliterated and replaced by tidy Hebrew signs. The history of a people was the first thing eradicated by the occupiers. The history of the indigenous people has been all but eradicated as though they never existed. And all this has been hailed by th e world as a miraculous act of God. We must recognise that Israel’s existence is not even a question of legality so much as it is an illegal fait accompli realised through the use of force while supported by the Western powers. The UN missions directed at Israel in attempting to correct its violations of have thus far been futile.

In Hertzl’s ‘The Jewish State’ the father of Zionism said: “We must investigate and take possession of the new Jewish country by means of every modern expedient.” I guess I agree with Ehud Barak (3 June 1998 ) when he said, “If I were a Palestinian, I’d also join a terror group.” I’d go a step further perhaps. Rather than throwing little stones in desperation, I’d hurtle a boulder.

Hopefully, somewhere deep inside, every Jew of conscience knows that this was no war; that this was not God’s restitution of the holy land to it’s rightful owners. We know that a human atrocity was and continues to be perpetuated against an innocent people who couldn’t come up with the arms and money to defend themselves against the western powers bent upon their demise as a people.

We cannot continue to say, “But what were we to do?” Zionism is not synonymous with Judaism. I wholly support the rally of the right of return of the Palestinian people.

Judith Stone

– This article was sent to Debbie Ducro, a American-Jewish journalist with the Kansas City Jewish Chronicle. She published it, and was fired the next day.